As caring parents you have been there for your children from the moment they were born. You have taken care of all their physical needs, fed them, clothed them, put a roof over their heads and provided support whenever it has been needed.
They have taken on your mannerisms and you have done your best to teach them right from wrong to prepare them for adulthood, but without realising it you have also passed over your fears and worries. Little by little your anxieties have become theirs and if the chain is not broken, then those fears will continue to be transmitted from generation to generation.
You are a life coach for your children, the person they look to for guidance and support. Through you they will grow up with a mental attitude to life which in extreme cases can be highly positive or highly negative. Most of us of course, occupy the space in between and develop coping mechanisms to handle what life sends our way depending of course on what you have learned in your childhood.
But what if you could become a ‘Positive Thinking Life Coach’ with the power to teach your children to think success, to be optimistic and to always expect the best? What if you had the ability to show your sons and daughters how to deal with the dark times and learn from these experiences?
You can - and if you follow the advice in this blog – you will. This is your opportunity to break the chain and work with your children to promote a positive thinking lifestyle. You can correct the negatives in your life and make sure they are not passed on; you can identify your fears and anxieties and eliminate them forever.
So if you are ready then we can get started. Do not worry, you will never be asked to do complicated exercises, prepare mood boards or make constant affirmations – you do not need them - positive thinking is all about common sense, a phrase I shall use regularly in all my blogs.
I would ask you instead to think back to your childhood and some of the things you learned from your parents. These are probably vague memories and I doubt if you have ever considered them in any great detail – you just accepted these random ideas, which were built up over time and which gradually helped shape the person you are today.
I doubt if your parents ever meant to harm you in any way, at least I hope not, but without realising it they programmed your mind and your attitudes to life as effectively as any computer programme and now I need you to analyse these thoughts.
What did they tell you? Were you told you should limit your ambitions in any way because you were the wrong gender; did they tell you that you should not try or attempt something new as you would probably fail; did they criticise the way you looked, undermine your confidence, compare you unfavourably to others – how long has this list got to be?
Everyone’s experience is different, but if you can recognise any of this or something similar, it would almost certainly have negatively affected your life in some way. You would not have realised it at the time because your parents were telling you these things with the best of intentions. They probably did not want you to be hurt or disappointed but they were sapping your confidence nevertheless and the chances are – you are doing exactly the same to your children right now – trying to protect them but having the complete opposite effect.
The same thinking can be applied to fears and anxieties. We all have them to a greater or lesser extent, but without knowing it you are passing on those same fears to your children. Think of something as basic as arachnophobia, the fear of spiders. If one of these turns you into a quivering wreck the chances are your children will copy your behaviour and inherit the same problem.
Sadly it gets worse than that. Anxieties such as fear of failure where you are unwilling or unable to try anything new, fears that others may judge you or criticise you in any way which swamp your self-confidence, are also being passed on to your children.
You do not even realise that you are doing it because these fears and anxieties are so deeply ingrained into your subconscious. These are your thoughts, the things that hold you back in life and they were taught at your mother’s knee and probably ingrained still further by well-meaning teachers, friends and people in authority.
Recognising these issues is the first step towards becoming a ‘Positive Thinking Life Coach’ and that is the person you will become by the end of this book. We are going to look in detail at the words and phrases which have held you back, we are going to look at your fears and anxieties and we are going to offer solutions.
Breaking the chains is what all this is about, helping you to change your life so you can help others do the same so let’s ask another couple of questions. How do you feel when you are asked to accept a new challenge or project? What is your first reaction when someone takes you out of your comfort zone? What is your fall back situation when you encounter a problem?
It is quite natural to be a little apprehensive when you try something new so please do not be confused if you are a little anxious. It’s your expectation that is important. Do you expect to fail because you have in the past? Do you believe that you are not the right person for the job? Do you feel that you will try your best but have little hope of success?
If I am describing you right now then we need to do a little reality check because you are suffering from a case of ‘bad imagination.’ Your thoughts would have raced ahead and in your brain you have already created a scenario for failure.
You are probably totally unaware that you are even doing it because the apprehension is the only thing you can think about, but your imagination is telling you that you are concerned about letting down others, you may be worried about looking stupid in front of people, you will think back to past failures and believe that life is repeating itself.
By imagining failure you are already beaten no matter how much effort and resolve you put into the project. That little nagging voice in your head is going to remind you every time you start work that you are not really up to the job.
That nagging voice was programmed into your head, probably from a very young age and the question I would ask you right now is: Are you passing on the same fears of failure to your own children and as a result – are they finding it difficult to reach their potential as well?
It is like a computer virus and it needs action to remove it from your brain and then afterwards you need to do the same for the children in your life. Just understanding and realising that it exists is the first step towards positivity.
Recognise them for what they are – irrational doubts and fears that have always stopped you from achieving your full potential. They have been hidden for so long in your subconscious you have not been aware of them and now you must dig them out, bring them into the open and confront them.
Look at these doubts and fears with a fresh set of eyes and question them. What is really holding you back apart from yourself? Who told you that these kind of things were far beyond someone like you?
See it for what it really is – an irrational and baseless fear, without substance or form – simply a mental barrier you have placed in your head. It has a door and you have the key – all you have to do is open it up and walk through and leave it behind forever.
These irrational thoughts and fears have no power to harm you unless you choose to let them. If you fail at something then you will learn from it – it can only change your life for the better. You will never know if you can succeed until you try and just imagine the accolades you will receive as you deliver the final goal.
Such situations do not occur for positive thinking people. They have the same doubts and fears as you but they know them for what they are – nothing more than natural anxieties which exist to give you warnings – a final check to make sure you have the detail correct before you move on to the big prize.
That is why a ‘Positive Thinking Life Coach’ takes a different view and is ready to meet any challenge. Tasked with something different, even if it takes them outside of their comfort zone, they see only success. They visualise every aspect of the task in hand, identify obstacles and work out solutions to overcome them.
Most importantly they embrace and learn from previous failures because they remember what went wrong last time and are unwilling to have a repeat. Because of this they know that just because something did not work out on a previous occasion, it does not mean that the same will happen all over again.
It is all about the way you think. Your thoughts create reality and permeate into everything you do. Think success and the chances are you will succeed. Think failure – you can probably guess the rest of the sentence.
It is also about the things that you say. If you tell others that you think something will not work. If you constantly let the world believe that you are not quite up to the job then do not be surprised if everyone agrees with you.
Your negative thoughts have shaped you in many subtle ways – they are the same thoughts that you are now passing on to your children and they have built up in your mind from a wide range of different subject sources.
You may be constantly worrying about money for example and this has created your attitude towards everything of material value. The lack of cash has in turn created a lack mentality which you translate as being unable to afford the good things in life. We talk about money in other blogs on this website and how you can attract more of it.
Perhaps you have problems with relationships. If this is the case then be assured you are passing those same fears on to the next generation. Do you fear for your health? Do you worry about the future, the environment or being safe – I can make this list as long as you like.
That is why we need to turn you into a ‘Positive Thinking Life Coach,’ which is what I intend to do little by little, but before we get there I want to lay down a few ground rules.
From this moment on you must resolve to eliminate all negative phrases and words from your life and substitute them for positive ones. I can’t must be substituted for I can for you and your children and you must decide to actively make this part of your life.
You must learn to control your thoughts. If you imagine difficulties and obstacles then that is what you will attract. Allow yourself to be a dreamer and direct your thoughts to the things that you would like to happen – come away from the dark side.
Look in the mirror and start to like the image that is staring back. None of us are perfect, we all have a few wrinkles and bags, teenagers have spots, some of you may be overweight but that is you, you are unique and if you are unable to like yourself then how do you expect others to respond differently.
Stop criticising others and start to look for their good points. No one likes a person who attacks others, who is a bully, who is constantly angry, stressed and upset – it is something that positive people try to resolve and you should do the same. Angry parents create angry children as night follows day.
Expect to succeed at everything you do and look forward to the challenge ahead that will allow you to learn. Accept that things will occasionally go wrong, that such things are just part of life and when they happen you will find something better.
Always imagine that you are feeling healthy. Stop groaning when you get up and resolve to be fitter. Be prepared to try things that will improve your physical and mental wellbeing – make it fun and encourage your family to join you.
I think you get the idea and if you really feel that you are ready to be a ‘Positive Thinking Life Coach’ then we can get started. It will be a gradual process because positive thinking becomes a way of life when you practice it on a daily basis.
As you become more positive, then all the special things that you want to attract will slip easily into place as if by magic. I am not promising big lottery wins, but you will develop a mind-set that attracts more cash; I am not promising that you will become a captain of industry but you will certainly learn the skills that deliver success. See other blogs on this website and I will show you how you can be happier, more comfortable and confident with yourself and most importantly of all, I will teach you valuable life skills which you in turn can pass on to your children – the greatest gift of all.
So let the magic begin. Are you ready to embrace a new life?