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You have to choose – revenge or forgiveness

Every time I write a blog about forgiveness and letting go of the hurt, it is like unlocking a Pandora’s Box. For some it seems that the hurt and pain they have suffered – possibly over many years – is just too much to bear and the prospect of any kind of forgiveness at any time in the future is simply not going to happen.

Some people feel they have been so badly wronged that nothing short of revenge is ever going to come close to healing the wounds. They are the victims and they want their tormentors to suffer as much as they have – even more if possible.

In extreme cases the wronged cannot focus on anything else as they magnify the pain and hurt and hatred they feel for those that caused their suffering. They can never move on, never start afresh, can never succeed at anything else – until they have got even.

If you are one of those people there is probably nothing I can ever say or write that will make you change your mind because you have heard it a thousand times from friends – who have asked you to let it all go - and who may have now drifted away seeing you as a lost cause.

The sad thing is – your tormentors, the objects of your hatred – are still winning. It is you that still has the pain - and do you know what – if they are the kind of people you think they are - they really don’t give a s**t.

So now that I have confirmed your torment, you might as well stop reading. You have already made the decision that you are not prepared to move on and I wish you well and hope that in time your pain will ease and some light will shine through.

For those that really want it all to go away and to stop being the victim, then let’s start talking about the b***** obvious, because you know what you have to do – yes it’s not easy – but start you must if your life is ever to move on.

First you have to forgive your tormentors. That doesn’t mean approving of anything they have done in the past, for nothing you or they can do will ever change that. You just have to decide that you no longer hate them; you no longer have anger or ill feelings. You might perhaps replace those feelings by feeling sorry for your tormentors, see them as the inadequate people they really are.

By stopping those feelings of hatred you are ensuring that all that negativity is not bouncing back towards you because when you focus on negativity and hatred, that is what the universe thinks that you want – and it perversely ensures that your tormentors continue to have a hold over you

If you can, see those you once hated as laughable figures that deserve your pity then you can be ready to move on and focus more on the stuff you really want in your life. No one will ever pretend that it is easy but if you never make a start then what’s the alternative.

You have to decide the kind of life you want from here and devise a strategy for delivering it. Look at some of the inspirational characters both alive and dead who have overcome all kinds of adversities to succeed.

No one could have wronged Nelson Mandela any more than you have been wronged. He spent most of his life in prison for his beliefs but was able to forgive and let go. There are numerous stories of the famous and not so famous who have overcome everything from physical torture to sexual abuse, from mental pain and more – but have managed to move on.

But it is not about them  - it is your life we are talking about and change for the better can only happen when you decide – are you ready?