We want the new job, the better relationship, greater financial security, better health or a completely different life. So, we think about it constantly. We imagine when it will happen, how it will happen and why it hasn't happened yet and in doing so, we can turn a positive desire into an obsession.
I have never been a great believer in spending hours staring at mood boards or endlessly repeating affirmations in the hope that saying something often enough will make it appear.
There is a subtle problem with this approach. If you continually focus on something because you desperately want it, you are also continually reminding yourself that you don't have it.
Your attention remains on the absence rather than the possibility. Positive thinking should be about changing the way you think and behave, not turning your desire into something you constantly monitor.
If you want greater financial security, think about what you can do to create it. If you want better health, think about the choices that can support it. If you want a different career, work out what you need to learn and then start learning. Think about where you want to go, but don't forget to start walking.
There Is Nothing Wrong With Getting Excited
None of this means you should remove emotion from the process. Quite the opposite. If you have decided that you want to create a better life, why shouldn't you get excited about the possibility?
Imagine what greater financial freedom might feel like. Imagine enjoying the holiday you've always wanted. Imagine waking up healthier, happier and surrounded by people you genuinely enjoy.
There is nothing wrong with allowing your imagination to explore those possibilities. The important distinction is between enjoying the possibility and obsessing about the absence. You can imagine the life you want without spending every day asking when it is going to arrive. Make the decision. Take the action. Then get on with living your life.
Imagine that your ambition is to become financially successful. You could spend your time thinking about the money you don't have, the things you cannot currently afford or the lottery win you hope might change everything. Or you could imagine yourself actually living the life you want.
What would your day look like? Where would you live? Who would be around you? What would you do with your time? What would financial freedom allow you to experience?
The point isn't to sit back and wait for those things to appear. The point is to create a picture of what you are working towards and allow that picture to influence the choices you make. Imagination can give you direction. Action gives that imagination somewhere to go.
The Power Of Letting Go
This may be the hardest part of the whole process. Once you have decided what you want, let it go. Don't spend every waking hour checking whether it is happening. Don't keep changing your mind. Don't constantly ask yourself why it hasn't arrived yet.
If you have thought carefully about what you want, made the decision and taken the action you can reasonably take, then carry on with your life. Have faith in the process. Have faith in yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the possibility of what might come next.
This doesn't mean abandoning common sense. Common sense is essential. Your ambitions need to have some connection with reality, and your actions need to support them. Positive thinking isn't an escape from reality. It is a different way of approaching it.
This is where positive thinking is so often misunderstood. You cannot think your way out of every problem. You cannot repeat an affirmation and expect your circumstances to change while you continue doing exactly the same things. If you want a different life, something has to change.
That might mean changing your habits. It might mean learning something new. It might mean changing the people you spend time with. It might mean having a difficult conversation or finally doing something you have been putting off. The thought starts the process. Action creates the movement. Positive thinking without action is incomplete.
There is another question we also need to consider. What do you actually believe about yourself? You can have the clearest goal in the world and still undermine it with the beliefs you carry about yourself.
If you constantly tell yourself that you are inferior, why would you expect yourself to behave like somebody who deserves success? If you don't like yourself, why would you expect to create a life that makes you happy?
If your everyday thinking is dominated by negativity, criticism and self-doubt, changing a picture on a mood board isn't going to resolve the underlying problem. This isn't about blaming yourself. You are not broken. It is about understanding that there may be work to do before you can change the way you approach the future.
Start With Yourself
Before asking what you want from life, ask yourself who is doing the asking. What beliefs do you carry? What do you think you deserve? How do you speak to yourself? How do you treat other people?
Do you constantly expect the worst? Do you criticise yourself whenever something goes wrong? Do you believe that other people are more deserving, more capable or luckier than you?
These things matter because positive thinking isn't a switch you turn on when you want something. It is a way of approaching life. If your everyday thinking is dominated by fear, resentment, negativity and self-doubt, changing your affirmations won't address the underlying problem.
Start with yourself. Understand the thoughts that have shaped you. Question the beliefs that limit you. Stop confusing old opinions with facts and remember the most important idea of all: You are not broken. You may have developed unhelpful ways of thinking, but that doesn't mean you are incapable of changing them.
Then Get Excited About What Comes Next
Once you begin changing the way you see yourself, something interesting happens. Your ambitions can become exciting rather than frightening. You can imagine a better future without desperately needing it to happen tomorrow. You can take action without constantly checking whether you are getting closer.
You begin making choices from possibility rather than fear. So, imagine the life you would love to live. Enjoy the picture. Allow yourself to get excited about what might be possible.
Then come back to today and ask yourself one important question: What can I do now to move towards it?
Do that. Then take the next step. And after that, let go. Positive thinking isn't about constantly asking the Universe where your order is. It is about knowing what you want, believing that change is possible, doing your part and then having enough faith to get on with your life. You've placed the order. Now get on with living.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Does positive thinking really work?
Positive thinking can be useful when it changes the way you approach situations and encourages constructive action. Thinking about what you want is only part of the process. You also need common sense, realistic expectations and a willingness to act.
2. Why shouldn't I constantly focus on what I want?
Constantly focusing on something you don't have can reinforce the feeling that it is missing from your life. A healthier approach is to understand what you want, imagine the possibility, take action and then allow yourself to move on rather than obsessing about the outcome.
3. Is there anything wrong with using affirmations?
Affirmations can be positive reminders, but repeating words doesn't create change by itself. If an affirmation becomes a substitute for action, it can take you further away from the practical steps needed to achieve what you want.
4. Should I use my imagination when practising positive thinking?
Yes. Imagination can help you picture the life or outcome you want and create excitement about what might be possible. The important thing is to use that vision as motivation rather than allowing imagination to replace action.
5. Why is action so important?
A positive thought has limited value if it never changes what you do. If you want a different career, relationship, financial situation or lifestyle, you need to take steps towards creating that change. Thinking starts the process; action creates movement.
6. What does “let it go” mean in positive thinking?
It means stopping the constant checking and worrying about whether what you want is going to happen. Once you have made your decision and taken the action you can reasonably take, allow yourself to get on with your life rather than becoming obsessed with the outcome.
7. Does positive thinking mean I can have anything I want?
No. Positive thinking doesn't remove reality, circumstances or the need for effort. Your ambitions still need common sense behind them, and your actions need to support what you are trying to achieve.
8. Why do my beliefs about myself matter?
Your beliefs can influence how you behave. If you constantly believe that you are inferior, incapable or undeserving, those beliefs may prevent you from taking opportunities or pursuing your ambitions.
9. What if I am naturally negative?
Being negative doesn't mean you are broken. It means you may have developed patterns of thinking that aren't helping you. Start by recognising those thoughts, questioning where they came from and deciding whether they still deserve to influence your choices.
10. What is the most important lesson about positive thinking?
Know what you want, believe that change is possible, take action and then let go of your obsession with the outcome. You are not broken, and you don't need to spend your life trying to fix yourself before you can create something better.
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