Perhaps you have lost someone you love. Perhaps your relationship has ended, your finances have become difficult or a crisis has arrived that you never saw coming. Maybe the future you had carefully planned has disappeared almost overnight.
I am not going to tell you that everything is wonderful. Sometimes it isn't and I certainly don't believe that you can simply think positively and make painful circumstances disappear. That isn't how life works, but there is one thing you need to understand. You cannot change the past.
You can spend days, months or even years going over conversations, decisions and mistakes, wishing you had done things differently, but yesterday has already happened. It is history. However painful that history may be, there is nothing you can do to rewrite it. The future is different, because the future hasn't happened yet and that means there are still choices you can make.
You cannot control everything that happens in your life. Nobody can. Other people will make their own decisions, circumstances will change and occasionally life will throw something at you that you never expected, but you can control how you respond.
You can decide what you do next. You can decide what you are prepared to change. You can decide what you will no longer accept. Most importantly, you can decide that what has happened to you will not necessarily determine what happens to you next.
That may sound incredibly difficult when you are grieving, frightened or simply exhausted by everything that has happened. So don't try to rebuild your entire life in one day. Just start thinking about where you want to go.
Give Yourself a New Road Map
When things go wrong, our minds have a remarkable ability to concentrate on everything that is standing in our way. We see the difficult person, the unpaid bill, the empty house, the failed relationship or the job we have lost.
The obstacle becomes the whole story, but it isn't the whole story. Instead of continually asking yourself, “Why is this happening to me?”, start asking a different question: “What do I want to happen next?”
That simple change in thinking can be incredibly powerful because it takes you away from the past and puts your attention on the future. You may not have all the answers yet. You don't need them. You just need to begin creating a new road map.
Sometimes the first step is admitting that you need help. There is nothing weak about that. None of us is expected to navigate every difficult period of life entirely on our own, but there is something you can do for yourself.
Write down what you actually want. Forget what other people think you should want. Forget the expectations that have been placed upon you. Think about your life and decide what would genuinely make it better.
Perhaps you want a new relationship. Perhaps you want financial security, a different career or somewhere new to live. Perhaps you simply want peace of mind and the opportunity to wake up without feeling that your life is constantly fighting against you.
Write it down, but there is one important rule. Use common sense.
Keep Your Dreams Realistic
Powerful Positive Thinking isn't about asking the Universe for something so extraordinary that you don't even believe it could happen.
If you need money, start by identifying what you actually need. If you want love, concentrate on finding the right kind of relationship rather than trying to dictate exactly who will walk through your front door. If you want peace of mind, think about the changes that could realistically move you towards it.
Your wishes need to be believable. Because if you don't believe something is possible, it becomes very difficult to build the confidence and motivation required to pursue it. Positive thinking isn't fantasy. It is believing that a better possibility exists and then being prepared to move towards it.
When you are happy with your plan, there is something else I want you to do. Let it go. Destroy the piece of paper if you wish. You have decided what you want and you have made your request. Now have faith.
This can be incredibly difficult, particularly when you desperately want something to happen. Your mind will keep returning to the problem. Has it happened yet? Why hasn't anything changed? What if it doesn't work? But constantly checking and worrying will not make things happen any faster.
Think about planting a seed. You don't dig it up every morning to see whether it has started growing. You give it what it needs and allow nature to do the rest. Your job is not to obsess over the outcome. Your job is to believe that change is possible and remain open to the opportunities that may appear.
Then Take Action
There is, however, one final ingredient, and it is probably the most important of all. Action. Positive thinking without action is simply wishful thinking.
If you want new people in your life, go somewhere you can meet them. If you want a different career, start looking for opportunities. If you want to improve your surroundings, change something in your home. If there are people constantly dragging you backwards, consider whether they still belong in your future.
Don't wait for your entire life to change before you take the first step. Take one step and see what happens. Then take another. Every action you take sends an important message to yourself: I am not powerless. You are doing something about your life and that changes the way you see yourself.
Perhaps this is the most important part of everything I am saying. Whatever has happened, your story isn't finished. You may currently be standing in the middle of circumstances that feel impossible. You may have absolutely no idea how you are going to get from where you are to where you want to be.
That's okay. You don't have to see the whole journey. You only need to see the next step. The past belongs behind you. You cannot change it, no matter how much you wish you could. The future, however, is still waiting to be written and you have a part to play in writing it.
You are not powerless. You are not broken. You are not finished. Decide what you want. Believe that something better is possible. Let go of the need to control every detail. Then take action. Because your future isn't something you simply have to wait for. It is something you can help create.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Can positive thinking really change my life?
Positive thinking cannot erase difficult circumstances, but it can change the way you respond to them. When positive thinking is combined with realistic goals and action, it can help you see possibilities that were previously hidden by fear or negativity.
2. What if my life is currently in crisis?
You don't have to pretend that everything is fine. Start by accepting where you are without believing that your current circumstances are permanent. You cannot change what has happened, but you can begin deciding what you want to happen next.
3. How do I stop thinking about the past?
You may never completely stop remembering difficult experiences, and you don't need to. The important thing is to stop allowing the past to control every decision you make about your future. Ask yourself what you can learn from it and, more importantly, what you want to do next.
4. What does it mean to create a new road map for my life?
It means deciding where you want to go rather than remaining focused on where you have been. Think about the relationships, work, home, finances and lifestyle you would like to create, then begin identifying realistic steps that could take you there.
5. Should I write down what I want?
Yes. Writing down your goals can turn vague hopes into something much more tangible. Be honest about what you want, but keep your wishes realistic and grounded in common sense.
6. Why is common sense important in powerful positive thinking?
Positive thinking should inspire possibility rather than fantasy. If your goal is so unrealistic that you cannot genuinely believe it could happen, it becomes difficult to take meaningful action towards it. Think big, but give your ambitions a foundation in reality.
7. Why should I let go after deciding what I want?
Constantly worrying about whether something is going to happen can keep you trapped in the very problem you are trying to escape. Once you have established what you want, focus on living your life and remain open to opportunities rather than continually checking for results.
8. Isn't positive thinking useless without action?
Thought alone rarely changes circumstances. Action is the catalyst. Positive thinking can help you identify possibilities and build the mindset to pursue them, but you ultimately have to make the phone call, submit the application, meet new people or take whatever practical step your situation requires.
9. What if I don't know what my next step should be?
You don't need to know the entire route. Look for the smallest sensible action you can take today. Sometimes one decision creates another opportunity, which reveals the next step. Progress doesn't always arrive as a complete plan.
10. Am I really in control of my future?
You cannot control everything that happens, and believing otherwise would be unrealistic. But you have considerable influence over what you do with whatever happens. Your past may explain where you are, but it does not have to decide where you go next.
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