It is frequently the unsaid hurt that cannot be shared for fear that it may seem trivial to others that does the most damage. And because you continually hold that thought, your mind keeps going back over that same old phrase or, at key times in your life there will be a catalyst trigger that forever reminds you of the pain you still feel.
No one can erase that memory but if you are ever to move on you need to rationalise why those words wounded you so much. This particularly applies to adults who keep harbouring back to childhood taunts rom other students or negative phrases their parents used when they were growing up.
You are not the person you were then, so why should you still be feeling the same? Is it possible that you somehow still want the approval of your parents who are probably totally unaware that they have ever been the cause of your pain? Do you harbour thoughts of bitterness and constantly contemplate revenge against former friends, colleagues or associates? We talk more about this later.
For the moment let’s look at the words themselves. They hurt because they were personal to you, particularly at that precise time and while they might not mean much to the person who delivered them, they managed to hit the target in your particular case.
Let’s take a look at the possible permutations. Maybe you were told that you were fat, or ugly, or useless, a loser or slow witted. Maybe your sexuality was questioned, perhaps it was a vile reference to your colour or culture – you get the idea – and it was personal to you.